Top Ten Tuesday: Ma-thematical Equations I Need Formulated and Solved STAT

1. How much snack will keep them quiet without ruining dinner?

2. How much screen time is enough to give me a break, yet not enough to make my child grow into a combination of Rick Perry/Son of Sam?

3. How many times must I be rebuffed by that mom at playgroup/the park/school, before deciding officially that she is introverted, doesn’t like me, is a complete bitch?

4. How much sprinting around the playground to catch your toddler from falling, being hit by a swing or trampled by a sugared-up, obliviously rambunctious grade schooler (plus the accompanying anxiety attacks) equals an acceptable workout?

5. Based on food intake, sleep, mood, the weather, yadda, yadda, yadda, exactly when is my kid going to wake up?

6. Similarly, how much time do I have before the next meltdown?

7. If I leave the kids alone with certain toys at their disposal, how long before we’re going to wind up in the ER?

8. S/he ate x and drank y.  How long before that diaper is toast?

9. How many times in a given time period do you have to cave before your kid knows that a duckling is tougher than you?

10. How much bathwater crawling with poo-particles and pee-ecules would my child have to drink to actually become violently ill?