7:30 a.m.
Look at clock
and marvel that everyone has slept in.
Note that this
is not especially good because Riley should be at school by 9 a.m, and it takes
us at least 90 minutes to leave.
Go back to
sleep because still off work. Decide he'll get there whenever.
7:35 a.m.
Get up, get
dressed and go to bathroom.
7:40 a.m.
Emerge from
bathroom to hear J say, "He's soaking wet."
Panic.
Certain that
he removed his jammies, sometime during the night, begin scoldterrogating son.
Replay the
events of last night. Realize that zealous to put on his Spider Man pjs,
Riley dressed himself for bed. We skipped bath. Equally zealous to
have Mommy time, I insisted that Riley have privacy – meaning “I’m outta here”
while he went to the bathroom before bed. His overnight diaper was never
put on.
Confess.
Listen to J
declare, "So, it's not his fault." (subtext, "It is all your
fault, woman.")
Try to
blameshift. Futile. Feel like a moron among morons.
7:45 a.m.
Strip Riley
down. Intend to give him a mere wipe-down until a whiff of his skin is caught. As he smells like he has been brined in urine, plunk him in the
bathtub. Inform him that this is just a rinse.
7:50 a.m.
Go to Riley's
room to assess damage. Sheet, mattress pad, towel and mattress are
soaked.
Consider
throwing mattress out window.
Curse self and
ancestors for not having bought a waterproof mattress pad, even though night
training has not yet begun.
Begin doing
laundry.
8 a.m.
Get Aria up
and give her her breakfast. Scurry like a deranged butler back and
forth between kitchen and master bathroom. Attempt to remove from tub a boy who is
now lounging like a spa visitor. Insist he has five
more minutes.
8:15 a.m.
Riley dressed
and eating. Aria finishing up. Mom dressed. Have a glimmer of
hope that we might not be pathologically late.
8:25
a.m.
Begin the
final push to leave.
Peform the hairdresser on the run act as chase Aria all over the house to tame her curls
and prevent her from looking like Jimi Hendrix.
Brush both
kids teeth.
Have hopes
dashed once again that Riley will put on his own shoes and coat.
Argue with 19 month old about which coat and shoes she will wear and wonder if when she is
16 she will charge thousands of dollars worth of clothes at Neiman’s and
bankrupt me.
Try to find
own keys, gloves, phone, hat.
Make sure
everyone has everything. Fantasize about staying home, turning on the TV and doing a
laissez-faire parenting experiment.
9:00 am.
Leave house.
Get in car.
9:10
a.m.
Drop off
Riley.
Chat outside
with another mother from Riley's class. Tell the pee-pee story.
When she asks hopefully if he woke up dry, as her son has a few times,
internally beat breast and curse self and ancestors once again.
Discuss
pee-soaked mattress strategy. Resolve to get to CVS to buy Febreze
posthaste!
9:30
a.m.
Scan the CVS
home deodorizer section.
Remember
reading somewhere that Febreze had killed cats.
Have a vision
of poor son asphyxiating, breathing in mother-infused toxic chemicals in his
bed. Decide to scan the Internet for something homemade.
9:35 a.m.
Get back in
car. Install Aria completely in her carseat before realizing that should
go to produce market.
Vacillate
between going all the way to Trader Joe's and staying local. Deem it too
nice a morning to be spent driving and shopping.
Uninstall
daughter and go to produce market.
9:45
a.m.
Go to cashier
to pay for five items.
Realize do not
have wallet!
Restrain self
from throwing self to floor and having a tantrum that would make Supernanny change careers.
Have ah-hah
moment!
Ask cashier if
she can ring in credit card manually because have it memorized. Internet
shopping has paid off! Pat self on back.
Wax
philosophical on how don’t know BFF’s digits, but know credit card
number and expiration date.
10:30 a.m.
Groceries
unpacked, and mattress baking-sodaed go across the street to Butternut to meet
friends and play on an unseasonably warm January day in Chicago.
Smile again.
Whew. I am tired just reading this!
ReplyDeleteI am so impressed that (1) you didn't throw a tantrum and (2) you know your credit card # by heart. You are officially my hero!