Stuck in the (Negative) Comment Section

And the blogger said, "Ouch."

In life, a few things tell you you've arrived.       

A bajillion hits on YouTube.  

Your own reality show.  That's right, Honey Boo-Boo Child, I do redneckognize! 

And being called an idiot in a negative comment on one of your blog posts.

Guess which one happened to me?

Now, the lady (who caused me to let my children get all Gladiator on each other as I ignored them while conjuring up a response) and I, have since been able to talk over our differences.  In fact, we will be meeting in Vegas for a fabulous girls trip.  Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph will play us in the movie.  (True, false and false, but how cool would the last one be?) 

This little virtual tiff got me thinking about all the rude comments -- almost insane comments-- floating around the Internet, especially in this political season.  I read some of these comments and long for a unicorn and rainbow sandwich. 

Anything, no matter how innocuous -- or how factual -- can stir up the angry juice in someone, sparking them to unleash a can of online whoop-ass insanity. Take the following parody of a post and its comment section:

Tuesday, September 4, 2012 

6 Ways Moms Let Pounds Sneak Up and Jump All Over Their Asses

1. They don't exercise.
2. They eat their kids' leftovers.
3. They eat too much fast food.
4. For convenience's sake, meals and snacks consist of processed food.
5. They like their wine a little too much.
6. They overeat between meals.  

OnePercent_OfTheOnePercent   September 5, 2012, 6:07 a.m.

You are simply jealous of those of us who manage to keep pounds off of our asses.  We are disciplined and successful.  You are envious.  Envying us our asses is pathetic.  I work hard for my ass, and I shouldn't be penalized because you are so lazy with yours.  Why should I pay more for your ass?  If you'd get off your ass, or if some outside force were capable of lifting up your ass, (or, if you could afford lipo, but we won't even go there) you might be in better shape.  Get a job!

AssBlindSociety       September 5, 2012 1:46 p.m. 

Is this what a mom should be concerned about?!  Pounds jumping on her ass? Is this what we're judging a mom on -- the size of her ass? Judge a mom on what she does for her children.  On the size of her HEART for God's sake!   It should be about the content of a mom's character, not the poundage on her ass!  I mean, an ass has no bearing on one's ability to parent.  I would wager that the bigger a mom's ass, the MORE she gives to her children! There are millions of women who have had TRUCKLOADS of pounds throw themselves all over their asses who are fabulous mothers.  Why do you feel the need to shame these women?  Until your writers become less bigassophobic, I will never read another article on this asinine site again.  

KnowItAll      September 5, 2012 4:31 p.m. 

Have you ever seen pounds sneak up and jump all over someone's ass?  That's because that's not how it works.  No sirree.  Just so you know, pounds have a lumbering and awkward gait somewhere between Chris Christie and an otter. They don't sneak up on anything.  Rather they overwhelm the victim with their enormous size and affix themselves to strategic parts of the body such as the abdominals, buttocks, thighs and upper arms.  They never jump up all over someone's ass.  That is impossible.  Before you post such drivel, get your facts straight.

BearinArms   September 5, 2012, 7:19 p.m.

You libtards and your fear of guns...  If LadyMom were packin' she wouldn't have to worry 'bout nothin' sneakin' up on 'er! Not pounds, not nothin'!  When I see extra weight coming, I shoot it!  Guns save!  They keep us safe, you morons!

MajorRayCyst   September 6, 2012, 2:35 a.m.

I'm sicka you nappy-headed b**tches, using food stamps for all that fried chicken in your ghetto shacks. Stop blaming everyone else for your jungle, baby-making ass and do something about it!!

The ProgressiveMind    September 6, 2012  10:56 p.m. 

Are you really going to sit here and blame moms for overeating and underexercising when they get no social support to do otherwise? When they are left at the mercy of capitalist fatlords who put these scrumptious, convenient and irresistible foodstuffs at arms reach? This blaming the victim is A DISGRACE. It is WRONG.  I am tired of a social system, of a government that via corn syrup, sodium and fat is making a nation of physical behemoths and intellectual munchkins.  You should be ashamed of yourself.  

MalcolmGarveyX  September 7, 8:20 a.m.

It is deplorable, yet typical, that as soon as a pound tries to attain anything on his own, his efforts are discredited, and he is portrayed as violent and aggressive.  As if he would want anything to do with a mom's ass!  It is laughable. Once again, we see the racist mind of the blue-eyed devil undermining pound achievement.  Pound power!

Spellingz4Punks  September 7, 2012, 3:51 p.m. 

U r n imbisul.  Evry1 nose tht thez thngs r tru. U prob haf a beg fat a$$ urself.  Wht r u doin abt it?

What's your view on negative comments? If you blog, do you let rude comments like these roll off your back? Do you stomp the more offensive commenters back into the rathole they crawled out of like the amazing Duchess St. Rollins? 

Or, do you vacillate between anger and agony, until the whole thing fades away?