Please Teach Me How to Sit

I’m giving up sitting.

It’s pointless, you see,

every time that I do,

they want something from me.

Someone needs something to eat,

or something to drink.

“Please wash your hands?”

“Mom, lift me up to the sink!”

Or something’s wrong with their food.

“Soup’s too hot, can you put in some ice?”

Gosh darnit! She dumped over

her whole bowl of rice.

Or maybe their waffle’s

a little too toasted.

Or “The broccoli’s too soft!

We like it roasted.”

“Here’s some mozzarella!”

“Well, we’d prefer cheddar.”

No matter what I do,

they want something better!

You could say it’s my fault --

My kids – total brats.

But I just want them quiet,

before I become a hellcat.

So that’s just the food part

I’m bitching about.

There are several more examples

for me to lay out.

Like Hubby who yells,

“Hey’d you get more toothpaste.

Um, yeah? Sooo hard to see what’s

in front of your face.

The only time I sit’s

when I work on this blog

I do so miss sitting, watching TV

like a bump on a log.

At World Market with a friend,

we fell in love with a chair

The thing screamed "Sit here!"

I could do nothing but stare.

Source: Uploaded by user via Nicole on Pinterest

She said, “Couldn’t you see yourself

sitting there reading, sipping tea?”

“Yeah, ‘bout as much as Jon Hamm

sending a text beggin’ to (bleep) me.”

I stand while I eat,

As I talk on the phone,

Actually then I walk or run,

Then they’ll leave me alone.

I sit to do a few stretches,

I sit when I drive.

You’d think all this standing’d

give me leaner thighs.

Anyhoo, sitting’s no good

for your back or your ass.

Makes for shorter hip flexors.

Also gives you gas.*

But the thought of a couch

sounds so amazing, I’m crying.

I am so freaking tired.

I just might be dying.

It doesn’t help that

I don’t get enough sleep.

My daily water intake’s

about 4 inches deep.

Soooooo.....

This holiday, PLEASE teach me to sit.

And take care of myself.

All the other crap.

Please leave on the shelf.**

*This is a boldfaced lie, grounded in no science whatsoever.  I just needed a rhyme. 

** While this is not a boldfaced lie, it is a big-time exaggeration. I like things --nice things--    quite a lot!