"I
lose my temper and say horrible things, and then, when they cry, I come back with, 'I'm sorry, sweetie. I love you. You
know I love you baby'," a mom buddy of mine confessed. "I feel like an abusive husband."
She nailed it - a shameful analogy, but totally true.
But was
it one sided? Were we parents the only "abusive" ones? I mean sure,
as parents and adults we should certainly have more mastery over our anger
responses, and there is no excuse whatsoever for violence against a child.
But our children have us by the metaphorical balls. Because of our enabling and anxiety, this generation, unlike any before, has been empowered to wage almost professional
level psychological warfare against us, their parents.
The
last time I felt this level of constant manipulation was when I was a younger, stupider version of myself, in a relationship that could be best compared to Hannah's in the amazing HBO series Girls (that's all I'm going to say, Iest folks curse me for being a spoiler.)
Here are the parallels:
I never thought I'd be wanting to take back the power from my kids. Wah-waaah.
Without being a tyrant, how do you keep the balance of power in your favor?
Loved your list! Found this in Pinterest. ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Adrienne! There's more where that came from!
DeleteHa! So true and too funny! Thanks for the laugh, Keesha :)
ReplyDeleteThans, Meredith! Glad you liked! And I like being too small to have haters on this one!
DeleteI love it! I like how you take a typical mom's guilt & turn it around to show what's really going on here. I generally don't feel too much mommy guilt b/c I'm like, damn, I do everything for you people. And kids are super manipulative, they know how to push your buttons & they know exactly what they are doing. I'm always like, Take Back the Power, People! I said that to my friend whose daughter is 6 & one day when she was being difficult & my friend was involved in negotiations w/ her she said, "What's it gonna take to get you to go to soccer?" And the kid said, "A toy. And a big one." She's SIX! They have evil little minds. DO NOT TRUST THEM.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much! A teacher friend sent me your link for a letter from your dance teacher, which was amazing! and this as well! It is the determined eye-gaze avoidance and not answering that gets me where I live. You bring it with humor, we all need that! Great insights, wisdom and writing, keep going! best amy
ReplyDelete