20 Reasons Why You'll Never Pee Alone

You may not share these tidbits of wisdom with your childless friends, or the friends who are having their first baby.

You gain a lot when you have children. (Love, hugs, a new way of looking at the world)

You lose a lot too. (Sleep, sitting down to eat, your mind).

One of the biggest things you'll lose is the chance to ever use the bathroom without someone barging in.  The reasons could be anything, but these are my favorite, and by favorite, I mean most pain in my ass reasons.

1. you have to open someone's water bottle (this happened several hours ago)

2. the kids are fighting

3. someone is hungry

4. you need to put in their video

5. "What is the password to the iPad?"

6. "Mom, your phone is ringing!"

7.  the kids are fighting.

8.  "Can we watch TV now?"

9.  "Where is my ________?"

10.  Look what I can do!

11.  (sobbing)

12.  I have a ouchie.

13.  I need to go potty and _______ is using the other bathroom.

14.  I feel sick.

15.  Mommy, remember the zoo, and we saw the thing, and then we umm . . .

16.  (Pointing at you and laughing)

17.  Bathroom hide and seek is super fun!

18.  I need to brush my teeth.

19.  "Mommy, I love you!"

20.  The kids are fighting.

All these things are as annoying as all hell, and can turn the most mild-mannered parent into a curse-spewing freak.  Since being a curse-spewing freak of a parent is very bad, a funny book needs to come to the rescue.  

Thank God for I Still Just Want to Pee Alone!  It's the third book in the nationally bestselling "Pee Alone" series, and the perfect cure for the mean Mommy blues.

And it's coming out on March 27, 2015!

We all need a book about parenting that makes us howl with laughter and feel that someone 40 fantastic mom bloggers understand exactly what we're going through.

I Still Just Want to Pee Alone is perfect for the mothers in your life, whether it's a mom with one newborn or five kids ranging from teens to toddlers.  It's a great gift for Mother's Day and baby showers, and well, just because!  And P.S., if you buy from me, I'm happy to send you an autographed copy!

I promise, the only one who will be disappointed is your partner, who will be wondering why you're lying in bed loudly guffawing while he's trying to sleep.  

I'm in this!  Coming March 27, 2015!

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How to REALLY Teach Dance

Plan some fantastic movement.  Something that gives your dancers a challenge, but is also fun to do!

Demonstrate it clearly and full out.  Really inspire everyone in the studio to rise to the occasion!

Show it again several times. Be very specific. Painstakingly  describe actions and movement quality. Carefully draw attention to the counts or any other tricky elements.

Wonder why everyone is still confused, but remain confident that you have created a nifty little phrase. Your dancers are sure to have their "A-ha" moment any time now!

Like any good teacher would, consider the possibility that you haven't addressed the multiplicity of learning styles in the room. Demonstrate three more times super slowly.  The first time, accentuate physical form; the second time narrate as though you were on the witness stand testifying in court; and the third time, emphasize musicality.  

Stifle your annoyance that your beautiful little phrase is on its way to becoming the Obamacare of dance combinations.

Attempt to answer a few more questions in as sweetly and as rationally as you can without bursting into deafening and primal sobs. Question what evil you could have possibly committed to deserve working with this group of so-called "dancers."

Close your eyes, take a deep breath and be filled with the conviction that "it's not you, it's THEM.”

Finally, stop fighting your feelings.  You’re going to have to say that thing you've been longing to say for YEARS.  After every hopelessly stupid question. After every damn excuse or reason why someone just can’t do what you’re asking.  After every persnickety analysis about the placement of your friggin’ pinky finger.

Just do the step!  Just. Do. The. #$%&ing. STEP! 

Shock yourself a little, realizing you've hit a new low in your teaching.

Smile. Because you’ve also hit a new high.

What Your Dance Teacher is Really Thinking #DTFS from Mom's New Stage on Vimeo.